Baby Oh Baby

Well, We made it through January without delivering this baby. He will definitely be here with in the next 2 weeks. Most likely before the 15th. If he hasn’t arrived by my next doctor appointment and I haven’t made progress we will most likely schedule an induction.

The NP asked me about inducing during my last visit and I pretty much said NO and mentioned that I’m not to my due date yet. I’m beginning to wonder if I made the right decision. I am SOOO swollen, seriously, you can’t tell where my calves stop and my ankles start. My fingers have been pretty swollen too.

I am probably the weirdest preggers woman on the planet! I haven’t really kept up with how far along I am or taking baby bump pictures. I haven’t even been totally excited for him to get here. I mean I am at times but honestly I’ve been more apprehensive than anything. …VERY apprehensive!

Part of my nervousness is the labor and delivery process. But, that’s the short part of this thing. Once Baby Boy is here, he’s here and he will be mine 24/7 no matter how fussy he will get or sick etc. It will be up to me to take care of him; I can’t give him back when I’ve had enough of the crying.

I’ve thought about being a mommy and I’ve dreamed of it for quite sometime. Knowing this, I feel like my feelings toward baby’s arrival are ironic. Shouldn’t I be over the moon with excitement in anticipation of his arrival!?

I’ve said all that to say last night was the first night I’ve felt OK with his arrival. All of my baby sewing projects are completed and the house is oh so close to being clean. (I have been a cleaning machine this week.) Now my battle is keeping up with everything I’ve already done, Mainly dishes, laundry, and the floors. I’ve been on top of R. about putting stuff away and placing dishes in the dishwasher.

As soon as we head to the hospital My parents will pretty much be on their way.  I don’t want to come home after giving birth to company AND a dirty house.

I realize Baby Boy will not have a clue if  the house is clean or if he has a matching tie and hat for newborn pictures but I will. I know how easily stressed out I can get, though I’ve been working on it.  I’m afraid coming home to a dirty house after all that will just put me over the edge.

 

Several years ago, I discovered it takes me a while to accept big life changes. This is no doubt a HUGE life change! I also realized that by the time the change comes I’m ready for it.  (R and I were engaged for a year and a half. By the time our wedding day came we were ready to be married and start our life together. Yes, I had my moments of being nervous and scared then too, but I knew it was the right decision.)

I think the sewing and clean house for me is part of my preparation and acceptance of things to come. I’m finally feeling ‘ready’ or as ready as I can feel. (Is anyone truly ready to become a parent?)

Physically, I’m pretty much done with this whole pregnancy thing. I am swollen and I’ve experienced Braxton Hicks contractions since week 15ish. I’m ready to wear a real pair of jeans again and to lose all this weight I’ve gained.

Mentally, For now I suppose I’m as ready as I can be. I often lack the self confidence I know I should have or need… I wonder if I’ll be a good enough mom, if I’ll get this parenting thing right.