Nothing Quite Like This…..

“There is nothing quite like sending your husband  off to Boot Camp. In one moment, you watch as a piece of your heart walks out of your life. They're going to serve their country. And you're proud beyond words. But that pride doesn't help that dull ache that you're feeling. Sure, Boot Camp is only eight weeks, but it stretches in front of you like eternity. There isn't a minute that goes by that you don't wonder about your Recruit.
What is he doing? When will he be able to call? Is he sick? Is he lonely? You have so many questions, and don't know who to ask, or where to find the answer.”

I found the above excerpt from a website. I did change a few words to fit my situation. The first time I read this I burst into tears, well I still do when I read it. Because, for the first time some one put into words exactly how I was feeling when I watched R. walk in the recruiting office right on his way to Boot Camp 2 1/2 weeks ago.

I’m doing my best to get through this time apart but I do have those questions. How’s he doing, What’s he doing etc. More importantly, I miss him so much.

I had such a sense of pride, and was/ is so very proud of him for doing this. The day after I sent him off, I realized I hadn’t told him how proud of him I am. Me, His wife, the one who should be the first one to tell him. ….Didn’t.

He sounded so nervous and so worn out and, so well, I’m not quite sure. the last time I talked to him which was the night he arrived at RTC. Our phone conversation was so short I didn’t even get the chance to tell him good night. I barley got to tell him I love him.

Now, some days I do much better with everything than others. And I do my best to hide my emotions about it all from other people. I suppose this just happens to be a tough moment for me.

You see, I never thought I could do this, be a military wife. And here I am, thrown into this new role and I simply don’t know what to do even how to fulfill it. I don’t like not having answers like what day exactly will he graduate? When can I book my plane tickets for graduation? When will we move? Where will we even live once in our new location?

I’d like to think with my experience as a teacher that I’m pretty good at being flexible, but Holy Crap! This puts a whole new spin of flexibility. I guess part my teacher side of me also likes to have a plan, and order and know what’s going on and when things are happening.

I’m asked questions right now and my answer consistently has been ‘I don’t know’. I don’t know if I’ll get letters from him. I don’t know if I’ll get to talk to him or when? I don’t know when PIR is. I don’t know when I can book my flight. I don’t know when we’re moving. I don’t know.  

I think, I know, some of my feelings right now stem from the fact that our anniversary is Monday, and we’re in 2 separate states. Not only that, we have NO contact with each other. Well, I guess I can’t say No contact. I’ve been sending him letters for a week. But it’s one sided contact.

R’s been gone for 2 1/2 weeks. It feels like it’s been a month or longer, yet the time I’ve spent with my sister seems like it’s ending to soon. HA! How is that one possible?

I’m sure I’ll have more to post later this week. I feel like I’m ending this post abruptly and maybe I am. But', I just don’t know what else to say and it’s 3:30 in the morning. … So much for working on that whole shifting my schedule back to a normal one.

Good Night.