Well, I’ve been pretty emotional for the past 12 hours. Because I’m emotionally spent, I feel like the last 12 hours have been 24.
I managed to hold myself together pretty well through the morning hours. By the second phone call R made to my family around noon today, I couldn’t contain my tears anymore.
I’d get myself together then fall apart again. I did this until we finally started making our way to the Navy recruiting station, and all of a sudden I couldn’t hold back the tears. We got there early and I just cried. We got out of the car and held each other for a few minutes. We prayed together, and sat for a few more minutes before a petty officer showed up to take care of his final processing papers.
The Petty Officer walked up and asked R. if he was ready to do this. R. replied so matter of factly, Yes, I am. He said it with such confidence and assurance. I wasn’t expecting it. We gave each other more hugs and kisses, told each other we’d be fine and I watched him walk into the office.
I sat in the car with the windows rolled down for 45 minutes 1 trying to pull myself together enough to drive, and 2 because I was trying to figure out how to drive away with his sitting in the office. I mean this is a Whole summer that we will be apart from each other.
On, one hand I keep telling myself it’s ONLY a summer, and Ashley and I were talking earlier that the summer will be at it’s end before we know it. And, that’s true, it will be here in the blink of an eye. On the other hand the longest we’ve ever been away from each other has been a week, and we’ve talked to each other at least every night during that week. This is 9 weeks and we’ll be lucky to talk to each other 3-4 times in those weeks.
I don’t know if I can do this. I don’t know if I can do this military life thing. This is the one thing I’ve always said I didn’t think I could ever do. … Be a military wife. HAHA! Heck, I’ve even said being a preacher’s wife would rank above being a military wife. I REALLY don’t want to do that! Not after being a preacher’s kid.
Earlier, I was thinking about High school graduation, and then moving to college. I was a complete MESS that first week of college. not knowing what to expect, my parents were about to move 14 hours away, I was scared of the unknown and quite homesick.
Things turned out just fine, I realized I would be ok. I have a hard time with goodbyes. I cried for hours down the road when I’d leave my parents at summer’s end and after Christmas break. So, I guess it makes sense for me to cry watching my husband walk away into his new career, and to do my best for the next 10 hours to keep my emotions in check, only right now I’m not necessarily trying to keep them in check anymore. It’s 1:15am what’s the point??
Well, I’m sure I have more to ramble about. But, I’ll end here. if I feel the need to continue to write, I’ll start a new post. I apologize if there are any/ too many mistakes in my writing tonight. I’m writing though lots of tears and my editor is on his way to boot camp.
Good night.
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